Be forgotten

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Her greatest battles are fought after midnight, while alone she saves herself..

many moons, many battles.  r.h. sin

I have been journaling for the past few days and honestly, I am bottling up some ideas and some journalling emotions. So today’s blog will be my best friend. So to those who knew me personally, you know my Bff’s name but today let’s pretend that her name is Clara, like a character in a story I will convey messages for my beloved best friend who will have the alias of Clara.

Like every heroine, she will have a hero or can be the hero of this story -blog-journal.

Ryze  .

Clara and Ryze had a wonderful summer ride, she moved on from the longest relationship she can ever hope for, she met Ryze and opened her heart once again even got ready to try again, but just like every story, there is always a rising action before the climax and I have watched them struggle and fight it even as a short time.

Choice along with change is always constant. In every aspect of one’s life, we are always given the chance to choose, whether in career or in love.

Ryze got an offer of his life to be on the doorstep of his dreams, Clara is at the rising of her career and it won’t be fair for her to be drag out of the country for him to chase his dream. So climax of the story … They choose to let go. 

Clara deciding that she wanted to be fair and unselfishly she let him go. She believes that it was indeed selfish to beg him not to go, she also concluded that she wasn’t that strong enough to be in a Long Distance Relationship [ In all due fairness I wasn’t brave enough to go through the hell of LDR too but YAHOOOO I AM HERE AND STILL BREATHING ]. Not sounding to be Bias but as I try to listen to Clara I was trying to give an advice where I am putting myself in her shoes but I guess people are just different in every way. 

Clara is a tough cookie, Ryze described. SHE IS INDEED and SHE ALWAYS WILL BE.

That being said,  I know she will make it. She is her own person, her decisions were her on and her responsibilities were her own.  I have decided to honor her decision when she said that Unlike me and mosh  (CODE NAME BOYFRIEND) we had the foundation before we went to long distance relationship. I accepted her point and kept quiet despite the truth that I was in hell because WE  HAD THAT PHYSICAL FOUNDATION,  I kept quiet even I wanted to tell her that I almost lose job last year because I miss him too much , I kept quiet despite the days that I almost got killed, because I wasn’t being myself because I was so used to “that foundation ” that their claiming  as one that they don’t have, then if it’s that the basis of every LDR then why I went through hell  because I CANT BE WITH HIM.

Why?

Why did I have those midnight battles promising myself that Ill be better in the morning … and even almost lost him and what we worked hard for…

As I kept quiet and vent all this on my cute pink journal and decided to move on and support Clara on her decision. Ryze sent me a long message on my twitter….

And so my soul was fuming again in anger and annoyance. Anger cause dafuq he can’t man up, { I guess it’s just that when I learned the secret of love and relationship is to love yourself as you love your partner and trust your life to the great unknown I started believing that this act of love letting go is selfishness }  yeah, it angers me. Annoyed because the letter was too long and he said too many things to show his love for Clara but WORDS ARE JUST WORDS … WITH OUT ACTION IT WILL ALWAYS JUST BE WORDS.

I am never to judge one’s relationship or be the mind or conscience of Clara but please do I need to point,  ‘Clara sweetie if he really loves you he will encourage you to make it work, I’m honored that he respects your desire pursuing your career but honey, LOVE always finds away’.

It happened to us  – you & me, so why doubt it, why forget it … why be afraid to take the risk.

Ryze argued in the letter that ( technically he didn’t argue cause I didn’t reply I KEPT QUIET . )  “She doesn’t deserve to be forgotten.”  and so I will write an except on my personal journal on this point ; he was right that she doesn’t deserve it but I beg to disagree and agree  with his reasoning . YES no one, I repeat NO ONE deserves to be forgotten or be taken for granted for, but there is something that I learned in my own experience that it is okay to be forgotten sometimes, it’s okay when he forgot to text you good morning or good night, cause let us admit it sometimes we Women do forget . It is okay if he can’t call in a week or face time you on a month, cause you know why? You build your TRUST, you test his faith and at the end of the ordeal, both of you learn a thing or two.

If he cheats on that time that he forgot about you then it proves he is not worth it PERIOD END OF STORY.

It’s okay to be forgotten, just know the limit, as you can take that time to strengthen yourself. LOVE yourself more, cause, in the end, you are responsible, you are responsible to fill in the void or the missing love that you are longing for not your partner. At the end of the day it’s you’re responsible to love yourself more.

Not your partner or anyone else, or anything else. Use it to see people’s sincerity, and to know who really cares.

I might sound Ironic but The secret to LDR is not just communication and trust but also YOU, yourself and himself, herself.  

So at that point, I wanted to let Ryze know how I argue on his reason but Nah I am too lazy so I’ll just blog it here. There is more another point in the letter that I want to bitch and moan but never mind He already surrendered, she let him go …

And at some point in the night, she will have the battles of her mind as she tries to save herself alone, while he tries to fill the void he created when he left her….

As Clara keep moving forward opened herself to more jobs to create her career and build her self I never heard a word from Ryze after that letter. I honestly admire the guts to message me and say sorry that he can’t take care of Clara anymore but it made me hate him more because you are a coward cause you are not fighting for her. As you can see I am that naive little girl stuck in the world of fighting for love scratch that *Happiness * fighting for happiness,  and creating oneself and supporting self-love unless your happiness is breaking hearts that I don’t support.

Well the story might have ended  for Ryze and Clara, but for Clara her battle is just starting up and I know whatever is it in her heart right now maybe, she got scared to take the risk which disappoints me a little cause it will be great to build her character   but As Mulan says  “My duty is to my heart”, so why not save it, and protect it, I respect her decision and also maybe just my opinion Ryze was not that worth it too .

That is the other thing sometimes we also need to ask yourself , Is the pain this person causing worth it , is he/she really worth all the pain  and sacrifices, sorry to say I am not the judge of that but you, yourself, my fellow human being, my fellow readers know the answer and know the next step.

So I am ending the story of Clara right here and hopefully, you enjoyed my point of view of the story, please be respectful in all that I have shared here this is all my opinion alone not the real Clara or Ryze himself but mine and mine alone. I have based my opinions on the things I have experience and I apologize if I have compared a little bit but I did try to be fair. I hope you learned something in this little post as I did learn some as I type this.

Have a blessed day and keep blooming !!

xx

Joyceeeee

 

 

 

 

 

 

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