Final Goodbye

JCS

It has been along time. I must admit I hated you so much because of what have happened to us. Last night I blew it . I cried much actually it was not just your fault it was mine to. Last night I finally admitted to myself that I hated the fact that I threw myself for you. Who was not so worthy of it.
Last night was my final cry… I thought you will realize  my worth  2years have been to much … I have wasted to many tears. I have thrown myself I thousand times to many wrong guys. I was too blinded to see that this was just an stupidity. Jc hope in some ways you will be able to read this letter . This had been for you. This was written years ago but I have always been stuck to my dumb love i was to afraid to tell the truth..
to be honest … I really dont remember us anymore. I really dont remember the feeling i was only clinging into little memories the little memories both good and bad. There was really nothing to hold onto right ? I was just making believe that there was…. but the truth was none.
I met someone, he was just like you , actually im believing that he was far better than you.. but the problem was he was so in love with her ex girlfriend. in just few weeks he had grown to be special to me… But i know that i shouldnt and i am aware that I have to let go of this anymore. I know that someone else is waiting for him. I know to  whom he belong.But if life let me and gave me chance i want him to mine.. I want to keep him, take care of him be the reasons why he smiles.  I want to take risk with him..
Juan Carlo Santiago….  after a very long time… I still try to know what happened to us.? was i really a game to you ? what ever was the answer I wanted still to thank you .. thank you because you become part of mylife. I have seen things that i cant see before but now i see them clear.
I know up until now i still  cant understand the nature of man… but last night seeing him cry… Even I know it was not because of me… I did see something…. I did came to know that you are all human too.. and all of you get hurt to…
maybe i was just so tired to see me in pain that have always thought that it was only us women, me  are in pain. For that I m sorry….
Juan Carlo, I forgive you..  and i pray to God that you will forgive me too.
There were so many things left to be said but I know a lot of things are better left unsaid.
Thank you so much..
Jerimiah 29;11

 

 ” For God alone knows the plan he has for you , plans to give you prosperity and not to bring you harm . Plans to give you prosperity and hope “
I know this will be my last … and final Goodbye.. I will move on and fully let go..
God bless you..
AJE …
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